Oh you don’t belong here…
This will be short post, it basically just a vent a scream, a get it out my head .. of don’t f**king fat shame a pregnant person!
Hello… my name is Sharna… and I’ve had bad relationship with food since I can remember, I was in an 8ish year relationship and got the typical comfy lets have a takeaway stage…ugh!
Before I had Alden though that relationship was in the past, I had lost 3 and a half stone through hard work and determination along with a mixture of HIIT and GVT training and eating healthy learning to track macros and all that jazz! I was winning!
But I was still F A T …I’m not delusional, I still had a long way to go but for once in my adult life I hadn’t thought about binge, emotional or comfort eating so hurray for me!
That all changed when I was put under the consultant care when I was pregnant. I completely understand and agree with the implications that being overweight could give you when you’re expecting but what I do not agree with it the way a good 80% of the health professionals I met assumed I was an unhealthy person who lived of maccy d’s and alcohol.
I was forever feeling utterly humiliated and that built up confidence I had about myself, about food and how far I came slowly diminished. I would pathetically try to explain to those who prejudged me based on my file – well before I was pregnant I enjoyed HIIT and I did loose 49lbs – to be met mostly with a look of disgusted disbelief like I was talking utter sh*te!!
I’m a pretty strong person, I tell myself, but when I was pregnant those hormones are playing with my brain, all the stress with D and the feelings I’d just went through sitting in the maternity ward. The last thing I needed was to be looked at, judged and made to feel like I was disgusting – I already thought that about myself anyway. Id become slightly obsessed with the food I was eating, because of the threats of impeding complications – and the guilt that I’d caused that to my baby. I’d be incredibly ashamed and sad when I thought my pregnancy bump just looked fat. I’d take photos of my bump but wouldn’t dare share them like other people would because I started to believe them I was disgusting. I shared some, but perfectly posed, 371 photos to get one edited, then anxiety once posted kind of ones!
When I was querying the pains in my hip, I was often brushed aside with the its normal or worse like its because you’re fat pet. That’s why…. when in actual fact it was SPD. It took my hip giving way and a heavily pregnant me falling down some stairs for them to take me serious and send a referral to physio for support. Even then I felt humiliated using crutches when I needed them, as my anxious intrusive thoughts assumed passers by would think she’s fat. Completely irrational I know.
I mentioned 80% of the time, because there was little rays of sunshine in the mix when the Maternity nurses would call my name, id walk into their room for bloods etc and they’d say you don’t look like you belong in that group. Passing off my height as I must carry it well. Whatever passive compliment that is – i’ll take it over the judgy looks.
My pregnancy was completely fine, my blood pressure, sugar index and all the typical things they expected to be different were normal, thankfully. It’s a shame the treatment isn’t to be treat with the same care as any other expecting mum from some people. It took me a while but i’m not ashamed of my body it created my AJM its bloody marvellous!!
I honestly think that nobody should judge anyone, especially not from a piece of paper you see in a folder.
You never know what someone is going through so just be kind.
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